Dark and Unadulterated

07.18.2005 02:54:00 pm

{XX}death …it’s the consequence of being hurt, damaged, lost,rejected… and then the feelings of numbness..and then being hopeful for nothingness and blackness…the soul can’t pray, no matter how it tries…feelings of helplessness…a lost appetite for life…Death is inevitable!

06.04.2005 12.08:21 am

what a boring night..rolling and rolling on my bed.. bored to death..dreaming of what could have been..and then chasing my dreams away..O what a night! reminiscing and then feeling nothing..just an emptiness i could not quite understand..it’s like the lightness and nothingness of my being..puffing away the boredom, destroying my soul and leading it to the abyss.. Oh what a life! what happened?

05.13.05 01:01:12 am

Lucid morning..
dark shadows..oh where are you? trembling..washing away the purity as if my dreams melted right before my eyes..waiting and waiting but I got tired..REGRET! Ah that’s what i feel..Realization: that i was naive after all… and you took that away from me..can i have it back?..but where are you? my soul is crying..guilt deep down the recesses of my mind..can this just be a dream? Oh God, please let it be!

25.11.09 11.18pm

trapped…i am trapped..wanting to get out…wading & wading..before i drown..but there’s an urge to dive back and be out of air..to numb the pain..and only gasp for air when i can only feel nothing but the beating of my calm heart..

23.11.2009 11:50 a.m.

tired and broken..cycle of life..never ending..i guess this is how to live in this life they call “REALITY”. i’m just so tired..so tired..meaningless interaction..meaningless..meaningless..that’s what it was..but life must go on!

Sorry

Sorry is such a powerful word..if love can move mountains, what of SORRY?
I say it melts icebergs.sometimes I think this is why conflict is an ongoing thing in this world-nations fight, political leaders fight, friends fight, lovers fight..if only everyone can say sorry and mean it…this place we call world would be a better place to live in.. is it really that difficult or u just don’t care? the latter only means ure nothing but an iceberg…frozen and lonely..if only u are capable of uttering such a powerful word..tsk tsk..if not, then stay away from my dreams..

- 2006

On Puffing and everything else (i guess)

Sunrays streaming across the room…

Squinting my eyes to look at the watch…

Giving myself 20 more minutes…

Hoping to wake up refreshed…

Pressing the Snooze button 10 times….

Ringggg! Dragging my feet downstairs..

Puffing a cigarette …

Finally washing the sins of yesterday…

Hoping to come out refreshed….

Riding a cab….

Staring at space…mindless of what’s going on…

Shutting my mind off from the driver’s incessant chattering…

Calling the bank…

Updating whatever needs to be updated…

Puffing a cigarette…

Reading economic news, business news, tabloids…

Puffing a cigarette…

Chatting with friends…

Puffing a cigarette…

Giving resolutions to another person’s problems…

Chit-chatting with friends…

Puffing a cigarette…

Watching TV…

Analyzing the local news and issues…

Shutting my mind off…

Staring blankly ….

Snapping at anyone…

Puffing a cigarette…

Puffing a cigarette…

Puffing a cigarette…

Goodnight!

-2003