My dad loved cold cuts,salami,bacon and sardines.We were poor but these were "luxuries" he couldn't give up. But he only could afford these on high-price-copra.
While in the grocery store tonight, I bought this and I remembered my dad again.
You see, his family had money back in the days. His dad was a doctor while her mom had a vast land full of coconut trees. In fact, he had his own car and a driver when he studied at San Carlos University (Cebu).
However, due to some "family" feud which I wouldn't discuss here in full, his financial status declined. He became bitter at some point. We saw him cry many times. (papa never concealed his feelings to us).I remember he would write letters to his mom, asking for his inheritance which was never given. In fairness to my lola,she would reply to his letters. I wonder where those letters are now. They were long ones.We were never allowed to read those but we were told that my lola would just tell him to pray hard. At that time, I couldn't understand why my lola wouldn't give Papa "his share". I couldn't understand why he only had a small farm,which he inherited from his dad, compared to his siblings. (He was the most quiet one. He was the non-violent one. So, he would just write letters and cry sometimes. He was my lola's youngest son but apparently the most unfavored. Why? I still don't know).
While growing up, there were a lot of things which I couldn't understand. Why couldn't he afford to buy us clothes (i remember i mostly had hand-me downs from my cousins in isabela & davao)? I would sometimes envy my cousins who had nice clothes and "Islander" slippers. But my dad would reprimand me. He said,"you are a Vizconde.No matter what clothes you wear, you still carry my name."(he told me this because I certainly felt left out). He would then remind me to study well.
At one point, my Ate & I were sent to Isabela because he couldn't afford our school fees. A year before, he all transferred us from private to public school. This was during the time when my dad accidentally ran over a young girl while driving his fierra. He had to compensate the young girl's family and pay for the hospital bills-private baptist hospital. I was grade two then and imagine how devastated I was to be away from home. I was papa-less and mama-less for a year at a very young age! I couldn't understand why my lola won't help him (she had a huge coconut plantation!).
No, I don't have bitter feelings towards my Lola. We were never close. And papa never said bad things about her.Well, I don't know but at least not in front of his children. He would even encourage us to visit my lola's house during summer. (No, he also never said bad things about his siblings.I think they finally made peace when my dad was on his deathbed. My tito visited him and I was there. They were both crying. So I never hated him.My father didn't hate him so why should I.)
I loved going to my lola's house. She had a lot of "alalays". During mealtimes, the maids and "boys" would be on stand by to refill our water and food. Merienda time at her house always had brewed coffee and either chocolate or banana cakes. (She had a small coffee plantation for her own consumption and she loved baking). Those visits were important to me because I felt I was equally part of the clan.
The past doesn't matter now. Life is short, I shall look forward.
But I wish my father were still alive. I am not rich, but I studied and worked hard to earn just enough. And I could certainly afford now to buy Papa cold cuts,salami,bacon and sardines everyday! I miss you papa. If only there's a delivery service to heaven...
